Dead Thoughts

Last night I had a dream that I had died, but everyone could still hear my voice. I talked to friends and family frantically trying to figure out what to do. It was like I was still myself, but I was out of my body.

Where was heaven? Where was hell?

I was in a classroom when it happen, but it didn't feel like school. It felt like trivia night at a local pub. The question had us write out an equation. My equation was 70 + -30 = 40. Then I slumped forward and that was it. I was dead.

Math killed me? Slightly funny, yes, but what an uneventful death. I began asking everyone around me if they could hear me. They said yes. At first I was stuck on the answer to my equation telling everyone the answer was 40.

Then I asked someone about my body. I asked if I was slumped over the table and they said yes. Then somehow I knocked my body backwards onto the floor where my feet were in the seat of the chair, but my back was on the floor. The person asked why I was like that. I told them because I was dead.

I suddenly had the urge to run home or fly or whatever it is that spirits do, but I still felt that I could only run as fast as a unfit human being could run. I was in the foyer of a home now opening the front door to leave when I see my grandmother walking by tidying up. I scream her name. Nana! Then hug her as tightly as I can. I tell her I must get home.

The scene changed. I am still dead and people can still hear me. Just a voice is what I had become. I am in a hotel and see my mother. She keeps telling me to go. To leave. I don't remember every word she spoke, but it broke my heart. I do not believe her words were meant to harm but to nudge me on.

I awoke from this dream very disturbed. Never have I had a dream where I was dead. Nor have I put much thought into my own death. I know it will happen when the Lord decides it is my time to come home, but I do not dwell on it. There is much too much life to be had to think about dying.

I sit here wanting to cry, but for what? My own death? My grandmother's death? I am truly baffled and confused.

I leave this here feeling unsettled and uncomfortable with this dream.